When it comes to introducing people, my mom feels the need to share a bit of info about the person. At first I thought it was to allow you to feel comfortable around someone new but now I realize it’s just to inform everyone about the people we’ve been gossiping about. Here’s an example.
“Tom, I want you to meet Carol, she just got back from Russia where she adopted a special needs child.”
“Carol, this is Tom, his wife and him just got a divorce but isn’t he cute?”
Then of course Carol and Tom shake hands while my mom walks off leaving them staring at each other wondering how the hell their life just got exposed so quickly.
Another example;
“Michelle, this is Sue, her daughter is the one I told you about that had horrible breast cancer? She had to go out boob shopping with her mom last week. Remember?” At this point, I have to admit to the fact that I know about their tragedy and in fact it’s been a topic of discussion obviously when my family has gotten together.
Next time she over, I think I’ll introduce her to my neighbor as the mom I was telling you about who just lost 3 pounds thanks to Weight Watchers.
come on, am I the only one who loves watching Shalom in the Home?
The pressure to be joyous while pregnant is annoying. Telling people is the worst because they think you should be jumping up and down but if they knew me, they’d know my boobs are too big for jumping plus I’m just trying to get to the second trimester in one piece. Seriously, you freakin’ pee on a stick and your life changes. Comprehending this is the hardest. My life as I know it is changing which is hard for an organized individual. Luckily, I’ve got a husband who lets me sleep in, otherwise, like last night, I become a crying lunatic shouting, what have we done! Seriously, I forget simple words like water or car. My mind is not just mine now but this pea taking up residence inside me. How can something so small make you so exhausted? Plus, my libido has gone out the window. I ordered an amazingly hot erotic novel which I slowly devoured but even that didn’t get a reaction out of me. Hubby keeps reminding me to be gentle with myself but its hard when one day you wake up and you think taking a shower is too much trouble. Well, I guess that's why it takes 40 weeks so I can adjust. I promise by second trimester, I'll be positive but right now I'm not falling for it.
The UPS guy and I love flirting with each other. “Another book Ms. Likewise.” “Thanks Jack, come anytime.” See what I mean? He totally wants me.
Yesterday was spent at Sea World where I saw way too much skin on sweaty Americans. I’m not sure what it is about the heat here but it makes people loose all inhibitions. Men without shirts in public are yucky and give me the creeps. Plus, someone started this fashion statement where you put your Sea World refillable mug onto your beltloop like a gun. I guess it was good in case you were ever in a quickdraw $.99 diet pepsi refill contest but the chances of that are slim. The whole crowd was sweaty and angry, yelling at their exhausted kids. I so wanted to be taller. Instead I was squished between strollers and those horrible fanny packs while rushing to the Shamu Stadium in order to sit in the “splash zone.” Why do I keep doing this?
I woke up this morning in a panic. What was I thinking? It’s been five years since I was pregnant. I’m not ready for this. Poor hubby woke up excited and happy as usual but I’ve been crying on his shoulder ever since. I guess the two sleepless nights hit me this morning because I realized that’s how it will be from now on. Last night I woke up three times to pee and then spirited kiddo came into our room at 4:30am to tell us the birds were chirping, time to get up. I’m praying the panic will disappear leaving peace in its place.
Ah, so that's why I was craving bacon.....
I hated to enlarge the stick because it's just something I peed on which is gross but yep, there's two lines there.
Smell that? It’s crispy burnt bacon. I can’t stop cooking it. For the past four days, I’ve craved bacon like an animal. I cook it until it crumbles in my mouth and I can taste it’s porky goodness. I can’t go on like this so I warned hubby not to let me buy any more bacon. I can’t be trusted. What’s wrong with me?
Here’s a Haiku to express my cravings:
I want you Mr. Pork
No more. You will make me fat
Melting in my mouth
Happy Birthday to ONE and ROGER and me!
Look what my boys made....chocolate cake with SpongeBob sprinkles!
For weeks now, my husband has been telling me I needed new sunglasses. I had no idea what he was talking about, they’re cool and classic with a little bling on the sides, or so I thought until he came into bed last night pretending to be blind. (If you’re blind, you’re probably not reading this but if you are, I’m sorry. He never meant to hurt anyone.) I laughed so hard, I almost hyperventilated. If that wasn’t bad enough, he jumped on top of me screaming he was going to make love to me with those glasses on! I guess I can scratch making love to a blind man off of my list now. Forgive me. Oh, and don't tell him about the huge stain on his pants, I'm just proud of him for attempting to do the dishes without his sight.
